SURVIVAL GUIDE PAGE       SURVIVAL GUIDE     Second Installment     By   Charles Adrian Trevino XXXXXXXXXXXX  Hello, and welcome to the second installment of The Survival Guide Page!  Where you can expect many strange and bizarre survival-related concepts to come winging your way at mind-warping speed, as Charles vents his musing id, ego and super-ego's superheated air in an incessant stream of poetic Charlesian prose which flows here, sometimes almost too effusely, like glowing molten lava erupting from the awesome mouth of a magnificent, towering, intimidating yet inspiring volcano, upon whose now smoking summit arcadian forests once peacefully sprawled, hidden from human eyes above a drifting cloud cover, their grassy, gently-sloping fields seemingly suspended in an elysian timelessness, weightlessly floating in a tranquil daydream, bathing in brilliant shafts of glorious sunlight as pristinely feathered eagles soared overhead in imperiously high, lazy circuits, passive but ever vigilant, always ready for action, adventure...  Until Charles had to go and blow his top again, ruining the whole idyllic scene.  What a stunningly graphic display of volcanic cathartic dualism though, wouldn't you say?  A poem-perfect mountaintop Eden, blown off the map by a devastating blast of pent-up Charlesian turmoil, Sturm und Drang, the real thing, man!  And what incredible, earth-shattering power Charles poetically wields through his magic plumed pen, eh?  The power to devastate everything at will with the merest flick of his fingers, like some awesome, vengeful angel reeking of divine righteousness!  I tell you people, the weight of responsibility that accompanies the enormous creative and destructive powers imparted by God to the poet are enough to render a lesser being stark raving mad, ha ha ha!  Ah, HA HA HA HA... um, metaphorically speaking, of course. Don't worry if you don't like all that mad poetic prose, though...  that just means you're a philistine (see Poetry Page links for definition).  No problem there, Ace...  this website can help fix that for you!  The best plan, really, is to just dummy up and keep on reading, flowing with the current, listening and learning, perhaps pausing long enough to scribble a quick note in your memo pad that you can refer to later, after the deluge.  And as always, be aware that you can glean so many new concepts from Charles' website that it can actually restructure your brain's neural firing patterns, drastically altering your synaptic exchange ratios, and doing other sordid little things as well, the overall effect being very similar to peaking on some Grateful Dead-era Owsleys, so be careful, and be warned:  you're going to encounter wild new concepts that would probably never just sort of "occur" to you, left to your own limited devices; curious, insightful concepts.  This is especially true if you were a typical post-Generation X, or Y, or even post-Generation-Z, non-babybooming, neo-American baby, or just any kind of baby, some big happy baby who would rather not think about Charles' morbidly weird, but still very plausible concepts -- now, admittedly, I am talking about some strange, foreign concepts here -- abstract, hard-to-grasp, sometimes loquaciously convoluted, but never trivial concepts.  Some stupid concepts too, if you will.  But if you can't follow Charles' new, poetic, "stream of conscience" prose style, don't worry too much -- if nothing else, you'll get a free song or music video out of it. In the last installment, remember how we talked about some of the rat-like, cupiditous, satanic nematodes who love to delude themselves that they're some kind of divinely-endowed, elitely-qualified omnipotence sent down from High Providence to make all the rules and call all the shots, in spite of the following all-too evident facts:  1)  they possess about as much philosophical and moral consciousness as the CPU in your computer;  2)  in matters solely involving personal enrichment, they display a talent for making cunning, precise, extremely shrewd calculations that would give the CPU in your computer an inferiority complex; and  3)  they display about the same aptitude to lead as does a typically maladjusted, emotionally stunted, overly-indulged, enraged little toddler brat, screaming out spurious allegations of mortal indignities and other fabricated offenses suffered in the past, using babblitive, incoherently broken-english, and drooling uncouth little spit globules as it crawls about on the floor on all fours, like an insect, looking for its disgusting Shrek pacifier or something... you know the type.  Petulant.  Infantile.  Pushy, you know, just, like... ugh! And just what is it incidentally, might I ask, that causes a pampered little slug like that to develop from an excusably infantile and understandably self-concerned "its all about me, you jerk!" screaming-brat formative mentality, into that pitiful, standard-issue, "its all about me, ya' jerk!" adult disciple of little selfish-piggy nothingness?  And who benefits from the ensuing wave of demoralization (brought on by low self-esteem and lower self-respect) that engulfs legions of younger people who've fallen victim to this cult of piggy-negativity, thus making them easy marks for corruption and manipulation by evil, satanic actors?  I keep telling you, over and over...  its the SS-DG people, the SS-DG influencers!  They are the official, free babysitting clowns that generously give worn-out parents a much-appreciated break from the front lines, gaining everyone's gratitude and trust as they "bond" with their impressionable young children, providing clever entertainment at first, but surreptitiously steering them away from their parents' influence, and over to the SS-DG's more "liberal" concept of sanity... The frightening extent of this madness can clearly be seen in the plethoric stream of SS-DG ultra-violent cartoon movies, made by sociopathic dregs of humanity like those two goofy guys (I forgot their names) who make "South Park," or by that nit-wit Steven Spielberg, with that "theater of the absurd" computer animation crap he calls movies.  Take his newest cartooh, um, I mean movie, "Animaniacs" for example;  this child-friendly flick, which features silly animated characters making fart jokes, "deep state" jokes, gun control and other innocently bewildering little kid jokes while smashing each other over the head with oversized mallets, is presently streaming on Hulu, or Dreamworks, or Amazon, or Netflix, or one of those limp-wristed sop-fop conglomerate monsters, hell, I wouldn't know!  You think I'd watch that pap?  Hell no, not "Eye!"  But take heart, parents;  according to Spielberg, this "partly smart, partly absurd" animated-maniac cartoon is mainly intended for a 25% adult audience, and only a 75 percent "kid" audience!  Aren't we lucky to have these harmless, jovial SS-DG's baby-sitting our kids?  Uh, I mean your kids. Tragically, it is just exactly this kind of creepy SS-DG personality that is now not only passively overseeing, but tacitly approving and even blatantly implementing many of the onerous outrages currently occuring, a few of which are outlined below: 1)  rioting, looting and terrorism in the streets which seems to be blatantly covered up, protected, excused, encouraged, and/or allegedly even financed by sinister SS-DG-controlled organizations with names like L.A.  Times, ACLU, NAACP, BLM (Black Lives Matter movement), ADL, U.S.  House of Representatives, Portland, Oregon state and local government officials, protester's activist groups such as "Don't Shoot Portland" (a socially responsible group filing lawsuits against police for using tear gas and other non-lethal means in an attempt to prevent rioters, arsonists and looters from completely taking over the beseiged city of Portland, Oregon), and the American entertainment industry, to name but a few; 2)  devastating business shutdowns and lockdowns, in response to an alleged pandemic outbreak (as stated by the press) of a highly suspect actuality; 3)  unconstitutional misuse and abuse of the First Amendment (right of free speech, etc.) by the "fourth estate" (the press), in order to unduly influence (brainwash) and manipulate people using allegedly false news reports; 4)  uncalled-for curfew, social distancing and quarantine mandates in accordance with above allegedly false news reports circulated by the "fourth estate" (the press); 5)  disruption and complete arrest of church, public school and library services and activities, among other things, in accordance with above allegedly false news reports circulated by the "fourth estate" (the press); 6)  media-borne intimations of coming mandatory injections of certain expensive vaccines developed by allegedly criminal pharmaceutical behemoths who are backed by corrupt, mass-murdering reprobates that love to sadistically manipulate their political pawns into strange gyrations, like a mad, drunken puppeteer having an epileptic seizure as he jerks his marionette's strings around.  These blessed "saviour" vaccines have caused serious side-effects in test subjects, are highly suspect, and I would think twice before taking that hypodermic shot!  This alleged pandemic, which has caused an explosive boost to "stay-safely-at-home" internet sales involving middle-men corporations such as Amazon.com, are currently rendering such obscenely enormous commercial and speculative profits to the Usual Suspects during this unfortunate pandemic that an informed, intelligent observer might be forgiven for maybe speculating something like, "hmmm, could all of this reported pestilence really be part of some kind of contrived conspiracy campaign to blitz this confused country with one bad scenario after another, a chain of alleged disasters falling like a row of lined-up dominoes, overwhelming, confusing and panicking us into submitting to totalitarianism without putting up much resistance at all, without anyone even knowing who or what to fight, just a complete juggernaut of corruption brainstormed by slithering, writhing "think-tank" genius oxymorons for their multi-trillionaire, international-financier masters?"  Nah, it couldn't be.  Still, I don't think I'll be rushing off to get vaccinated myself, if I can help it. But let's get back to these ratlike CPU-consciousness people, who are dead-set on putting their preferred candidate (good old "George Floyd Boulevard Joe") in the executive driver's seat, even though he lost by a landslide, according to accounts from many credible but less-prominent media sources.  That's correct, many reliable sources are publishing outrageous reports that run completely contrary to what the major media outlets are saying; sworn accounts from honest and brave "whistleblowing" ballot counters [whose jobs, reputations and lives are now in danger] who state that they observed hundreds of thousands of fraudulent mail-in ballots with identical initials that began streaming in late and getting tabulated over and over, instead of being thrown into their designated boxes, which had been moved to keep observers from entering and observing the ballot counting area, ostensibly so that "G.F.  Blvd. Joe" can become top dog, selling out our country lock, stock and barrel to the "highest-bidder" vultures lurking in the wings out there, including the lunatics who get enormously rich bringing you your declasse MTV-spawned rap, punk and meh (I'm afraid to say the whole word!) music, and your lame, insipid Joker-Borat-StarWars-E.T.  movies, and your damn fool Shrek Lion-King cartoons, and your gawdah...  wait a minute, oh, I just lost my train of thought...  now where was I, before I was so rudely interrupted? Oh yes!  I was talking about my ratlike enemies, with their contemptible, CPU-like minds... Right!  In the last installment, I discoursed at length about some of the reasons why I personally dislike (despise) these spider-faced, forked-tongued, crotch-clutching, ass-biting, usurious blackmailing usurpers, and why you should learn to be more discerning and aware of them also.  Unfortunately, I pooped out and didn't even upload the free song I promised, being so tired I could barely force down a few grams of cold tasteless gruel before collapsing into a jaded, utterly spent heap on the floor, rendered unconscious (mainly due to massive energy-depleting exertions put forth in an effort to rouse a sleeping, unaware populace to defensive action!), and not regaining consciousness for several weeks thereafter; for that lapse, let me offer my humblest apologies.  And let me succinctly state: this time you're gonna' get your stupid free song right away, ok?  But first, you really should finish reading the following learned narrative -- for further clarification of terms and such.  And after all, its not like I'm charging you for it.  Oh, and before you start, note that I am providing a short list of definitions for the little acronyms I'm constantly throwing at you, such as SS-DG, etc.  If you're already familiar with these terms, you can skip down to the "Ok, That's Enough..." heading.  For a more detailed illustrated glossary, click the Combo Page link on the index page of this website, interesting read there...  but not right now!  Stay here now, and memorize every single item on the following... Short List of Definitions: D.O.'s:    Stands for Displaced Ones, a hybridized, confused entity split into various groups of yapping, calculating, natural-born opportunists whom I am increasingly losing sympathy for (unless a lot more of them knock off the bullshit factional bickering, get with the program, and use their enormous collective middle and upper-class power to help us confront and possibly usurp the awesome SS-DG Tyrannasaurus Ratso's [Tyrant Rats] whom they brought here with them [like a merchant ship carrying a bunch of foul, loathsome, stowaway rabid vermin to an unsuspecting country]).  These D.O.'s are guilty of the crime of not being able to face the facts and make an all-out concerted effort to separate their good apples from their bad ones, a mistake which in the past resulted in their forced dispersion throughout the world after their Bad Apps gained ascendency over them, due to the D.O.'s wishy-washy docility (also because of the bad taste they display in their vapid tolerance, and therefore tacit approval of inane and culturally-deleterious entertainment offerings such as SNL, Guns and Roses, The Bee Gees, Jason Isbell, etc.).  The fact that the rabid, predatory SS-DG's now outnumber the unoffending D.O.'s by a ratio of about 219 to one (last time I polled 'em) might also have something to do with all the resentment.  Some D.O.'s may erroneously believe that they are benefiting from the massive wealth and power the SS-DG's wield, but in truth they're not.  In fact, more and more astute D.O.'s are starting to realize that the SS-DG's have given them a really, really bad name amongst intelligent, discerning people, and that most of their grief has been brought on by these bloated, satanic SS-DG lunatics, who display an enviable indifference to human pain and suffering if it doesn't impact them personally, and who so cavalierly make multitudes of enemies for the D.O.'s as they gleefully deal out one deviously wicked, outrageously below-the-belt blow after another unto a helpless humanity.  Disturb­ingly, the harmless D.O.  is in constant danger of morphing into the extremely dangerous SS-DG at any time (should he give in to paranoia and greed, and jump on the old "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" bandwagon).  The sad reality is that a D.O.  often will fluctuate, as can be expected of such a pendulously and deliberately-confused, fallible human being -- especially one who is being so expertly misinformed and subliminally brainwashed by the SS-DG-controlled media.  And therein lies the danger of this whole pardoxical, hybridized, twisted-up D.O. muss:  its their own internal glue! SS-DG People:    A bunch of rude, sick, obnoxious, maximum-alert, public-enemy number-one usurpers who have degenerated from the original D.O.  lineage to form a snarling, sniggering subgroup of very ill repute.  These disgusting, dogged droolers are surreptiously gaining control over all mankind by dint of their complete rejection of quaint, "unrealistic" restraining virtues which include honor, morality, honesty, integrity, self-respect, dignity, compassion, and class; they can be easily recognized by their lofty contempt for all the foolish lollipops that are dumb enough to even consider weighing themselves down with such quaint, archaic notions.  Also, judging by the smell of them, they're not too big on personal hygienic exercises (such as taking a bath) either.  (Note: the letters "SS-DG" are actually the hyphenated initials of two pre-eminent entertainment industry role models who are such perfect examples of the lowest, foulest form of fecal dreg a D.O.  can putrify to that, well, I just had to immortalize them in the pages of this website!  Don't thank me, you two...  my pleasure, I'm sure.) Very, very few good things could be attributed to the SS-DG people; in fact you could say that they represent the antithesis of good...  a flagrant repudiation of excellence itself.  This mindless vampiric entity, which can clearly be observed today (and at all times) shoving its carcinogenic, "anything for a buck" creed relentlessly down a misled, weakened public's throat, is the number one obstacle standing between us and a safe, sane progression into a super-high-technology society, with a more utopian future than the perilous one the irresponsible, suicidal satanists are promising us. In summation of the SS-DG's: In summation, basically the SS-DG's have no talent or aptitude for anything, other than completely screwing up any social system stupid enough to let them enter and fester within it.  The one redeeming grace of these fiendish zombies is that they represent a textbook exemplar of the type of sub-anthropoidic animal that no decent human being should ever allow himself to degenerate into; thus it is beneficial to make yourself study the nauseating ways of this belly-crawling maggot slug, that you may not inadvertently emulate them and incur the censure of every intelligent, cognizant person.  Of course, Charles will always be there to tutor you every step of the way throughout this learning process, as we scrutinize the protocols of the above-referenced slug-like fiends. IWM's:    Stands for Ignoble White Man (also includes females of the species);  never to be confused with the NWM  (Noble White Man), his polar opposite.  This big, loud, bellicose, bovine bullying jackass actually needs no introduction; you can find him just about anywhere, farting out his telltale derisive, boorish buffoon laugh, just his jovially boisterous way of indicating his self-opined alpha-male status there, as he very spiritedly tries to antagonize and/or goad fights with anyone smaller or weaker than himself, in order to prove...  uh, something, I suppose.  The IWM frequently finds a niche in an army that invades militarily-weaker countries for imperialistic reasons, where he has a ball killing noble freedom-fighting martyrs, sometimes making a famed name for himself in the process.  The NWM and the IWM seem to be eternally engaged in a constant power struggle that appears to mainly favor the IWM, since he is always more than willing to team up with an accomodating SS-DG "tag-team" partner so they can pummel the poor outnumbered NWM in unison, as a Synth tag-team is prone to ignobly do, being completely unencumbered by any semblance of restraining human decency (you know, that little voice which whispers dire warnings of imminent devastation, brought about by intellectual, spiritual and moral lethargy on your part, into your resentful ear).  Note:  In my humble opinion, the vast majority of "non-white" people in the states of this country are much better off with something as close as possible to a NWM (even a brusque, pissed-off, far-from-perfect NWM) as their leader, rather than a media-certified "perfect" Synth, IWM or SS-DG leader, because:  1)  since the "media" is about as trustworthy as my big fat you-know-what (ass, ha ha ha!), it simply stands to reason that anyone they designate as being the best choice is actually the worst choice -- just some carefully chosen operative of the bad guys who are ripping us all off, right?  And:  2)  hey, when all the political-ideological talk is over and done, what citizen really needs government-protected terrorists freely roaming around destroying his cities, while he's being confined under "quarantined" house arrest by a "perfect" leader who wants to take away his guns, defund the police, and appoint anarchists to high political posts, all at the worst possible time? The Synth:  Short for "Synthesis" -- a combination of colluding SS-DG's and IWM.  Often privately claiming to hate one another, these two undesirable entities actually complement each other perfectly and, when working together in harmony, represent an almost unstoppable force of pure Satanic evil!  That's not to say that the soul-devouring SS-DG's can't corrupt anyone they want to, anywhere, in any country; they can, and do.  But there is a unique kind of unholy grease secreted by cooperating SS-DG's and IWM that lubricates the ignobly-grinding gears of universal corruption so well, no other slime known to man can compare with it.  A typical relationship usually has an SS-DG overlord employing, empowering or otherwise aiding an in-need, wannabee-rich-and-famous IWM, thus acquiring a potential pawn that becomes increasingly dependent on his patronage;  this symbiosis has become strikingly apparent in the now putridly rancid entertainment industry.  Note: Quite often two of these like-minded Synth scumbuckets will interbreed, manifesting their two unholy selves into one quite often unhappy, miserably schizoid, self-loathing and troublemaking little individual displaying the worst traits of each bucket.  Watch out for these little assbites -- they bite. C.D.'s:  Stands for "Clueless Dummies" (i.e., people who don't read chucktrevino.com) that are easily led by the Synth-controlled media.  C.D.'s can be identified by their sad propensity to believe and follow anything they see and hear on their Synth-controlled televisions, radios, laptop computers, iPods or cell phones.  They are fad-worshipping, trend-following sucker-geeks that contribute enormously to the SS-DG's power by voraciously sucking up their foul entertainment offerings, buying anything the media tells them is "hip."  They invariably display an incredible lack of perception and taste in music, cinema, journalism and other arts, and really should just avoid those areas altogether, instead channeling their money into less SS-DG dominated recreational avenues which are, admittedly, virtually impossible to find these days.  Note:  C.D.'s have a tendency to make me ill, due to their infuriating myopic innocence. N.C.'s:  Stands for "Nauseating Chucklehead" people.  I don't know what the hell these people are so happy about, running around giggling like silly little munchkins all the time because everything's "just going peachy keenie, tee-hee!"  For the love of God, wake up you chuckleheads, and face the facts:  people hate complacent, chittering magpies like you!  If they don't, they should.  Unfortunately, these el stupido's can be found everywhere around the world practicing their creed, their motto basically being as follows:  "When in doubt, emit a silly giggle, or a loud, rude guffaw!"  Sometimes an N.C.  will even wear a T-shirt or baseball cap emblazoned with this motto  (just kidding N.C.'s, tee-he...  ugh, I almost did it there myself)!  Note:  As these N.C.  people are (I'll be blunt) nauseatingly common, its O.K.  for you to shoot them dead on sight...  its perfectly legal, don't worry about it.  These giggling gaks are just like buses, you know...  there's always another one coming just around the corner, don't worry about it.  Also note:  N.C.'s make me seriously ill, man. Ok, That's Enough; Let's Move... Ok, that's enough definitions to get you started; let's move ahead now with this narrative, which will prep you to use the Survival Guide.  As I said before, based on all information available to me it appears that there could be at least two scenarios, or realities, now unfolding;  1)  the "everything's going to be alright because the elitists and their economists are taking care of business for us" scenario which the mainstream media feeds us, and  2)  the other, more empirically-sensed reality, where satanic, dangerously-obscure, highly-organized SS-DG forces appear to be well on their way to gaining complete dominance over this country, and subsequently the entire world, via their control over this country's economy and military/industrial complex, which they have built up using our own stolen money (money which they also lend back to us after stealing, never actually asking us to repay the actual principal as long as we keep paying the ever-increasing interest on our National Debt,  forever)!  By instigating wars and duping us into attacking previously non-offending countries, they have tricked us into not just accepting, but actually paying for a thinly-disguised military dictatorship (whose cost comprises most of the National Debt), which the SS-DG media lackeys tell us is absolutely necessary to keep the world from falling to the "bad guys," those other countries who now don't like us anymore since we attacked them.  Oh, I think I'm starting to get it now, you guys!  The wheel just keeps going around, huh?  Once you're hip to the SS-DG's game, you can really just sit back and observe things unfolding according to their skewed news reports, then try to gauge what's really happening, as you track them skillfully and soullessly manipulating their awesome, mass-murdering, economic/military/industrial warcycle to achieve their iniquitous goal:  absolute world capitulation to Satan.  These vipers are also particularly adept at performing deviously evil, sleight-of-hand financial tricks to increase the debt they say we owe them, tricks like using our hard-earned Social Security funds to "buy" large portions of the above-mentioned National Debt in the form of Treasuries, bonds, and other fiscal inventions created out of thin air by the "Intra"-Government.  You see, if the U.S.  government uses surplus Social Security funds to "buy" government-printed Treasuries, bonds and things, making the annual Deficit (expenditures minus revenue) look smaller, while simultaneously claiming to have "paid off " a portion of the now accordingly larger Debt (accumulation of annual Deficits) using Social Security funds, then somebody can take credit for shrinking the Deficit, making himself popular and more useful to the satanists, and let's just forget about that accordingly increased annual Debt, since nobody wants to think about that theoretical intra-governmental "robbing Peter to pay Paul, so they can both keep making their interest payments to Herod" economics stuff anyway; too convoluted for me, can't be bothered with it.  Also, the satanists get the satisfaction of holding seniors hostage, denying them their hard-earned "golden age" retirement, forcing them to work until they either drop dead or are killed off in some clever way or another, thus eliminating the need for the system to pay them their stupid social security funds.  And should everybody wise up to the scam, and simply refuse en masse to keep servicing our Debt, well then...  how do you expect an insolvent government to repay anybody their stolen social security funds, if they and their children won't keep up the endless interest payments on their ever-increasing, never-ending Debt?  Also, as the same international satanic entity is both directing and profiting from shady transfers of money between entrenched operatives in countries around the globe, the whole cycle of corruption and theft can just spin on eternally, growing more involved, complex, and stronger with every transaction, the sordidly mundane details boggling your inquiring mind as they wear you down through the time-tested process of excrutiatingly boring attrition, until they finally break you, forcing you to run off and go get something to eat, so utterly confused and dejected have you become. Because they employ legions of "Chatham House" think-tank genius/dummies to brainstorm brilliant scams like that, there appears to be no clear-cut easy way to stop these checkered demons, not even by the occasional "necessary" revolution that Thomas Jefferson said should occur every now and then to straighten things out, because now the satanists possess things like artificial intelligence, bio and nuclear weapons (though they keep denying it), and probably worse!  Should a beleaguered humanity ever attempt to unite to try to stop their conquest, these satanic nihilists would sure as hell probably unleash a nuclear or some other type of holocaust, possibly destroying themselves along with the rest of us.  There is evidence that such nuclear destruction has happened before -- perhaps many times. Therefore, we must learn to deal with the SS-DG's anarchistic internal assault, as they relentlessly continue to insinuate themselves and their operatives amongst the people of the world, manipulating those people's cultures to further their satanic goal, which is to drive everyone as stark-raving insane as they are, so they won't feel so all alone.  I suppose I should apologize for all of my sarcastic invective, but perhaps you are now beginning to understand the need for this Survival Guide.  It is intended to help you identify and recognize the SS-DG's culture-degrading methods, thereby giving you a fighting chance to deflect these slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune, and protect your loved ones from this cancer on a local level, holding the line for as long as you can.  I believe that I am highly qualified to write this guide as I know the SS-DG's methods very well, having seen them in practice for many, many years now.  Alright!  We're almost there.  But please note: the following is only a free, "general" version of my Survival Guide; it will contain advice and instructions, most of which can be immediately utilized for dealing with what I would term some of the more common and generally widespread SS-DG henpecking tactics.  Some of these remedies require massive group effort and present a few logistical problems however, and must be relegated to the back burner for now.  Which doesn't mean you shouldn't read and conceptualize them;  the time for a complete, new philosophical revolution is almost at hand -- a tidal wave of existential consciousness is approaching fast, with more adherents gravitating toward enlightenment every day! However, should you fall victim to a much more severe, major SS-DG vendetta (such as the one that plagues me), you will find yourself coming under attack by vermin from every direction, and will need to purchase the deluxe version, the "Maximum Strength" Survival Guide, to better deal with your hellish problem (don't worry, it'll only cost you five dollars...  while supplies last).  This five dollar wonder will be a comprehensive manual containing wise learned advice, and also tutorials to build up your creative abilities, health, self-confidence, character, and thusly, your image; you will need to do this in order to salvage your good name, after the SS-DG's have gleefully, assiduously, and expertly shot it to bloody hell.  Dude, its time to wake up...  people are going to be shooting at you! Actually, you might want to buy this manual even if you haven't been SS-DG blacklisted...  why?  Because, as well as offering good advice, it will provide easy-to-follow, step-by-step instructive lessons in several interesting crafts and pursuits, some of which are listed below: 1.  I will provide tips to help you create your own online internet presence.  Most of you younger readers are probably already adept at putting up things like YouTube videos and the like, but just in case anybody isn't, I'll give you a crash course in creating your own inexpensive website with an easy-to-remember name, using HTML (don't use that Wordpress crap, it sucks!) procedures.  I'll provide templates for creating custom tables into which you can insert your text, pictures, graphics and things, as well as the proper explanations to codes that customize those tables to your liking, so that everything will look just great on somebody's narrow, tiny, stupid little cell phone screen.  Also advice on things like the best ways to upload all your files, secure your website or whatever you got, and scan for viruses and harmful other stuff.  Sure, you can get this info anywhere, but its good to have it all in one place! 2.  I will give you tips on creative writing, so you'll be better able to express yourself (i.e., explain your complex, misunderstood foibles) in your new website forum.  This will include basic rules of "bonehead" English One (I don't know any of those other fancy rules!) to help you make yourself more understandable.  But don't worry about the rules!  If you've never actually been taught to write, you can still do it using your intuition;  its just like talking to a friend, really (that's assuming your friend can talk).  And should you make grammatical mistakes, most people either won't notice or won't care, if your story interests them; so don't worry too much about that.  I certainly don't.  Note:  if you know anybody who doesn't read or write too well, I will also be providing helpful links to easy instructive materials and sources you can give them, to help them become as literate like Charles.  Being as book-devouringly erudite and articulate like Charles will improve their outlook on life unmeasureably, take my word for it. 3.  I will show you how to produce music, documentary, or other interesting videos, using inexpensive video editing programs.  You can then put them up on your or other internet sites to attract more viewers; if they're interesting or insightful, and so resonate with people, it can help your situation immensely!  Go ahead and use copyrighted background music if you want; nobody will probably sue you, unless you sell your stuff and make a lot of money.  But if you're like me, they'll never be able to collect any settlement money from you anyway, since you don't never have none.  So don't never worry about it! 4.  If you don't want to use somebody else's music, I will teach you how to compose and produce your own songs.  This is actually easier than you might think; if you have any musicality in you at all, it can be coaxed out without taking expensive music lessons.  I will give you tips on pawing out easy-to-finger chords on a synthesizer keyboard; by recording them onto your computer, repeating, transposing, and arranging them a bit, you can eventually build up a fairly lengthy song.  Then I'll show you the easiest ways to get started recording guitar and synthesizer audio and midi tracks, and the best ways to add FX, EQ and mix them together at the proper volumes using excellent, reputable older music editing programs such as Cakewalk Pro 9 and Adobe Audition as general models.  Then you can sing or play along to your own, personally-mixed songs!  Now, we all know that anybody can sing, just like anybody can dance, and ride a bike, and write pulp fiction, right?  But not just anybody can play the drums, which can present something of a problem, if you don't know how to get around it; soooo...      a.   I will show you the easiest ways to create your own drum loops of any length, by combining repetitious drumbeats and cymbal hits with more varying, non-repetitious fills.  You can use your computer to get your timing right on the money, then once you've decided on the right tempo(s) for your song, you'll be ready to roll with your own homemade drum track!  Hint:  Don't use those crappy, free download "rap" samples someone's always giving away...  they suck.  If you can't find fairly long, good drum samples for free, try making your own drums, you'll sound (and feel!) much better for it.  Now, we all know that not just anybody can play the guitar...  you can't even strum "My Dog Has Fleas," some of you!  No problemo, Ace, because...      b.   I will teach you to play guitar.  These lessons will be focusing mainly on blues-based ("rock") lead guitar improvisation, using two easy-to-learn scales (don't worry about learning rhythm guitar; any book can teach you that).  With a little practice, you will soon find yourself duplicating some of your favorite guitarists' easier-to-play riffs, stealing, altering and combining them to improvise your own classic riffs!  Also I will include little interesting methods and tricks for things like adding chordal thickness to your single-line breaks, combining interesting harmonics, stuff like that.  A little explanation of rhythm guitar will be offered, just a simple introduction to fingering easy "movable" major and minor chords, not much else; however, I will be offering invaluable suggestions as to the best hardrock guitarists you should listen to and learn from, and the ones you should probably filter out, so you won't end up sounding like the great you-know-who (too scared to say his name).  Remember, you only have a limited time to develop -- don't waste it! Give my simple methods a try or two; they're designed to be user-friendly, and soon you may find yourself doing things like putting up your own website; writing your own heavily biased, outspoken opinions, and publishing the same on your new website; making neato videos, musical or otherwise; building and recording your own simple musical chord arrangements, perhaps writing and singing your own lyrics, expessing your heartfelt feelings soulfully (hopefully!) through your own musical compositions, etc.  And should you discover that you have a real gift for any of these things, you should by all means strive to develop that talent, so that you can rise to the top of your field and shine!  Then you can laugh down at all the phoneys, jerks and charlatans who make you sick to your stomach!  Imagine yourself extending your middle finger to all those entertainment industry slime-molds that keep offering you millions of dollars to sell out, sell your soul to them for tawdry little perks like all the rest of the super-sucker-stars.  But not you!  Instead, you'll be by composing and recording your own excellent songs in your cramped little bedroom, dedicating them all to the glory of Him, God, like wow, man!  Wouldn't that be great?  And wouldn't God just exalt you to pieces, if you did something like that?  Uh huh, yeah...  but still, it might be nice to learn something new if you've got some time to spare (and some five dollars, remember?), maybe passing what you've learned on to someone else, someone who actually gives a flying fugg about important, cultural things...  you know, "the passing of the torch" to the next generation, like. And there will be even more useful advice, and helpful tutorials covering a myriad of topics!  All you do is pay your little one-time fee of five dollars, and you'll get full access to the frequently updated Deluxe Survival Guide page.  This is the best chance you'll ever have to avail yourself of some of that enigmatic, little understood but still much-coveted Charlesian metaphys-mythic, nucleo-synergic and theolo-ontologismatic insight!  That's right, you'll experience mind-expanding insight after insight, illuminating waves of pure thought coming at you from every direction, traveling at full light speed;  I'm talking about exclusive, restricted, esoteric concepts made accessible to you, the uninitiated layman reader, via readily available, easy to understand lexicons, narratives, tractates and treatises, great literary stuff like that...  all for free, ding dang it!  Just as soon as you pay that five bucks.  So do it!  (payment details available soon.) ************** And now, without further ado or additional B.S., let us commence with the admission-free, "general" Survival Guide, offering remedies for dealing with the somewhat less devastating but still heavily annoying "minor henpecking" SS-DG campaign. SURVIVAL GUIDE Oh, um, er, unfortunately, this installment has reached its bandwidth limit or is experiencing technical problems or something like that, sooooo... we'll be bringing you the free, "general" Survival Guide in the next issue.  Don't worry, you can still get the free song now... but don't rush or anything, its not that good.  Ha ha!  You've been tricked again, by chucktrevino.com!  Sorry, all you chumps... that's just life in the big city, as they used to say. Oh, ho ho!  Just jokin' again!  About the song not being that good, I mean.  Actually its a great little song, just exemplary, a real classic yup, click this link here to get it:  Last Stand on Planet Earth.   And so I say once again, little droogs:  parting is such sweet sorrow, but part we must!  And as always, I beg you:  try to keep it cool, fool.  Your Survival Guide is on the way... PLEASE REMAIN CALM!  And we'll catch up with you in the next installment.  Bye for now...  Click here to go back to Index Text Copyright December 2020 by Charles Adrian Trevino.   Song "Last Stand on Planet Earth" Copyright 1991 by Charles Adrian Trevino.    This is installment no. 2 of the Survival Guide!   As always, thanks for reading all this nonsense... if you actually did.   This is chucktrevino.com.